If your little one is just resuming at creche or pre-school, that’s a huge milestone and you should be excited about it!
Yet, seeing that cute little face in distress can eat at you and deprive you of the joy that should accompany this milestone, leaving you instead with feelings of guilt and despair, especially as a first-time mom.
It’s okay mama, that feeling is perfectly normal!
Although it is very stressful for mums and their kids, separation anxiety is a sign of secure attachment. It is a normal response to the fear of being (momentarily) separated from those they trust and depend on for comfort and care. Infants experiencing this would usually be more clingy than usual, crying or screaming when you are about to leave their space.
It just shows that your little one is emotionally healthy and can form strong bonds with you or other primary caregiver(s) which is important for proper social and emotional functioning throughout life.
I remember dropping off my favorite niece on her first day in school, she was quite excited until it was time to say goodbye. I knelt down to hug her and tell her I love her and she wouldn’t let go. She started crying and I didn’t know what to do. So I started crying too (hard girl in the mud) forgetting I was the adult here, until the teachers came to my rescue. This continued for some days, until I got tired of falling my hand and decided to avoid taking her to school.
While most babies begin to experience separation anxiety around 6 -9 months and it may last until 2 – 3 years , some infants do not experience this until they are much older and others may never experience it at all.
Causes of Separation Anxiety In Babies
Separation Anxiety emerges in babies when they begin to understand object permanence: the consciousness that people/things continue to exist regardless of whether or not you can sense them.
However, they are yet to understand time, they don’t know if/when you’ll be back and this makes them anxious and agitated.
In addition to this, here are a few other things that can trigger separation anxiety in kids.
Change of Environment
Routines are quite important for our little ones as they depend on it to understand the world around them and it also provides a sense of predictability.
A familiar environment is part of what keeps them grounded and helps them feel safe. A change in environment tends to tilt this balance and can trigger this anxiety in kids.
When a change of environment is inevitable, it is pertinent to ensure that some form of normalcy is maintained around your kid to help them transition smoothly.
Change of Caregiver(s)
A new caregiver can be a bit unsettling for your little one, as they are yet to fully understand your child’s routine(favorite songs, phrases, meals) and can make them cranky.
Arrival of a new sibling
This can be overwhelming for everyone, children inclusive. That sudden shift in attention and love because of a little stranger in their home can have them feeling unseen and unsafe, and can cause them to resort to more clinginess.
Stress of a caregiver
Children feed off our energy as adults and can easily pick up on tension, stress induced or otherwise. Being self aware is crucial to maintaining emotional stability, especially around our little ones.
Loss of a parent/caregiver
This can be quite devastating for adults as well as kids. While they might be unable to grasp the extent of what’s happened, they seek comfort in familiar faces to give them a sense of normalcy.
Extended absence of caregiver
It could be due to a work trip or even Lagos traffic, whatever offsets the rhythm of a child’s world can cause separation anxiety to kick in.
Illness and Hunger
When they are tired, hungry or ill, they tend to get cranky and need extra support.
Common Signs of Separation Anxiety in Babies
These are some of the common signs of separation anxiety in babies
- Clinginess: Increased desire to be held or carried by a familiar person.
- Crying and Distress: Intense crying or distress when separated from a caregiver.
- Resistance to Strangers: Wariness or fear when approached by unfamiliar people.
- Sleep Changes: Disruptions in sleep patterns, with increased night waking or difficulty falling asleep.
While navigating the challenges of separation anxiety in our little ones, it is important for parents to remain vigilant and stay attuned to the signals our little ones are sending. Observing these signs is critical, as they might be indicative of emotions or situations that extend beyond typical separation anxiety.
Keep an open line of communication and seek professional guidance where necessary. This would help parents foster a supportive environment that addresses not only the immediate concerns of separation anxiety but also any underlying, more sensitive issues that may require attention and understanding.
At this point, you must be wondering: “how do I manage separation anxiety?” Stay tuned for the next article, where I’ll be sharing tips on handling separation anxiety in babies.
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