Gentle Parenting vs Nigerian Parenting: What really works?

When most Nigerians hear “Gentle Parenting,” they imagine ill-behaved kids who lack discipline and have been spoilt by their lazy parents. But that’s just a misconception. Gentle Parenting is miles apart from what we think it is.

According to Sarah Ockwell-Smith, the renowned author of The Gentle Parenting Book, ‘Gentle parenting is all about finding a balance of control, giving children just enough, at a time when they can handle it, with parents enforcing appropriate boundaries and limits.’ It is a holistic philosophy that embraces the emotional as well as practical aspects of parenthood’.

Now, what is Nigerian Parenting? It includes but is not limited to the following: if i hear pim, you will hear wim; come and put in on my head; the boy that carried first, does he have two heads? If you know, you know.

In this article, we will weigh the pros and cons of Nigerian Parenting versus Gentle Parenting. The purpose of this isn’t to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. It is up to you to decide what’s best for you and your child.

Let’s get into it!

The Pros of Gentle Parenting:

Encourages Empathy – Gentle Parenting requires that you have empathy for your children and that you parent with your children’s feelings in mind. This would help increase the self esteem and the confidence of the child because you don’t talk down on or yell at them. They will go into the world feeling confident in themselves and thriving in social situations. They’ll also be more inclined to come to you when they’re confused or in trouble.

Fosters Mutual Respect – Gentle Parenting also involves respecting your child as much as you would respect an adult. Respecting your children will help them see that you value their opinion and will lead to a positive relationship with them. They will also learn to speak to and treat others with respect. When they feel upset or disappointed, they’re able to process and articulate their emotions better.

Your efforts to show empathy and respect will positively influence your child and they are more likely to mirror your actions and show empathy and respect in their social interactions.

The Cons of Gentle Parenting

According to BetterHelp, ‘gentle parenting can be challenging because it can be very time-consuming. The parent has to be patient enough to take the time to get to know and understand their child. The child needs to be self-aware to process their behavior and emotions, which can be particularly difficult during a tantrum.’

Also, when a decision requires immediate action, gentle parenting could slow down the decision making process because it often involves collaborative decision-making with children.

Nigerian Parenting: Pros

Nigerian Parenting, also referred to as traditional parenting can instill a strong sense of discipline and self-control in children. This can lead to success in school and other areas of life.

Nigerian parenting also teaches children to respect authority figures and follow rules, which can lead to good behavior and relationships.

In traditional parenting, parents emphasize hard work and self-reliance. Children raised in this manner often learn to work hard and strive for success. This could lead to them becoming responsible, motivated and conscientious adults.

Nigerian Parenting: Cons

One of the challenges associated with traditional parenting is that it can be overly strict and authoritarian. This could lead to feelings of resentment or disrespect from the children resulting in rebellion and tension in the family.

Nigerian parenting often includes parental control and punishment. The child is expected to behave in a way that’s acceptable to the society they’re living in else they will be punished. This tends to stifle creativity and imagination.

As we’ve seen, both styles of parenting have their advantages and disadvantages. It would be reasonable to find a balance in the parenting style one chooses.

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Nesiama Fasola

Nesiama (Ness) Fasola is a community manager, tech enthusiast, writer and full time hopeless romantic. She loves to scribble words in a bid to make sense of the jumble of thoughts, ideas and emotions that constantly plague her mind. At her leisure, you can either find her nose-deep in a book, brewing coffee or poking around in her garden.