Different Types Of People On Valentines Day

‘Tis Cupid’s Season! The entire month of February is the season of love. There’s a running joke that the ‘love’ in February is the reason why we have so many babies born in November. Recurring dinner dates and extensive public displays of affection have become a norm. And for some, a competition.

As with every other celebration in the world, you are bound to see different types of people on Valentines Day. But before we start analyzing them, let’s get into Cupid.

Cupid is the Roman god of love, often depicted as a winged infant carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows. 

According to mythology, those struck by Cupid’s arrow would fall instantly in love. Cupid was a mischievous and playful god, using his powers to both bring people together and drive them apart. He is often associated with Valentine’s Day, the holiday of love. 

So if you’re still single by now, it’s not too late to take matters into your own hands. Find Cupid’s arrow and shoot yourself with it. Who knows, you just might find a lover by the 13th? 

Whether you find a lover or not, you are bound to fall into one of the following types of people on Valentines Day. Read on to find out which category you belong to.

The Ones Expecting Heaven and Earth

They will even tweet about it and post it on their WhatsApp status. If my man doesn’t do *proceeds to list the 12 labours of Hercules* for me, then I don’t want. Sorry for the laugh.

Cupid’s Executive Assistants

These ones would ship anyone and everyone but themselves. They have made it their personal duty to matchmake every single person in their friend circle but you’ll never catch them with a bae to call their own. Seriously, these ones need deliverance.

The Ones Who Will Still Ask, ‘Is Valentine Today?’

First and foremost, do I look like a calendar to you? More often than not, it is usually a forgetful boyfriend that asks this question. Hell hath no fury like when his partner finds out he hasn’t made any plans.  Sorrows, Sorrows, Prayers. 

The PDA-inclined Couple

These ones don’t care where they are or who is watching. After all, V-day is a day of love, isn’t it? What better way to show how much they love their partner than to make public displays of affection? These ones make Valentines unbearable for the single ones.

The Ones Whose Phones Will Spoil

We know them. Those who will claim their phones developed a fault on the 13th and it’ll automatically get fixed on the 15th. They either plan to spend the day with the main guy/babe and will already be preparing the cold zobo they want to serve the side nigga/chic. Continue o. Just continue.

The Ones That Are in a Relationship… (but in their heads)

As they say, delulu is the only solulu. So if it works for them, who are we to question it? They go on a baecation, enjoy fine dining and cuddling with their significant other except they don’t really do any of those things in reality. It’s all imagination. 

If there was an award category for ‘best in fantasizing about scenarios that are very unlikely to happen in real life’, they are taking that award home, baby! If you find yourself here, don’t worry. I have put together a list of things you can do alone for Valentine’s here.  

The Ones That Will Post Everything on Social Media

These are the real parasites of society. They will paint social media red with all their lovey-dovey posts. If it is not red balloons, it will be red petals. In your WAEC you could barely make a D7 in English because you couldn’t write a comprehensible essay but you’ll come to social media and write epistles that will make the apostle Paul shudder. It is well.

The Anti-Valentine aka Haters

These types of people you see on Valentines Day are the worst. Even if Valentine wants to run from February 1 – February 28, they don’t care one bit. It doesn’t move them at all. You’ll see them commenting ‘it’s even plastic’ under people’s Valentine posts.

For your own safety, take all your PDA and red social media posts out of their faces, they are not your target audience. 

The Real Sons of Shakespeare

Love letters are still a thing and these ones will go full Shakespeare mode on the girls they fancy.

“Dearest beloved, thou art the very paragon of beauty, and thy countenance doth warm my heart with rapturous desire. ‘Tis as if Cupid himself hath smitten me with his arrow, for I am filled with such ardor for thee that naught else can’t compare. The stars in the firmament shine not as brightly as thine eyes, and thy skin is fairer than the lilies in the field. My heart doth swell with passion for thee, and ’tis a love that shall endure through the ages.

Yours evermore, 

A finished fellow.”

The Self-Surprisers

These ones know better than to expect any surprise that day. But because they want to feel included, they will plan in advance to surprise themselves. They’re all about self love. One of them might even copy the letter above and post it on their socials and say their babe wrote it for them. Anyhow, surprise na surprise. We meuve!!!

The Vendors

While y’all have been struck by Cupid’s arrow, these ones are still hustling for the bag. Even those whose goods are not in any way related to Valentine will still find a way to relate it. As in ‘buy this abacus for your val so they can count how much you love them’. 🙄

Whether you’re the lover or the unloved, one thing is certain; this too shall pass and life must go on. So, which of these categories do you belong to? Let us know in the comments.

PS: There’s a Dating and Relationship community on Fusion that I’m sure you’d love. Check it out here.