8 Ways To Discipline Your Child Without Flogging.

Growing up in Nigeria, flogging has always been the most accepted form of “discipline.” As a matter of fact, parents, teachers and adults generally looked forward to flogging their kids/wards at the slightest excuse of misconduct. It was as though there was a silent competition among parents for the award of “the most creative flogger of kids.” Many millennials have stories to tell about the trauma inflicted on them as kids in the name of discipline backed  up with quotes like: “Spare the rod and spoil the child” or “My parents beat me too and I turned out alright.” The real question is, did you really turn out right?  I guess we’ll never know. 

Fortunately, people have evolved and are more conscious of the impact of raising holistic kids on society. Parents are not only mindful of the well-being of their kids, but they’re also mindful of their children’s mental health. This has greatly improved the approach to parenting in every aspect, discipline-inclusive. Corporal punishment of children is now being frowned upon in most places and some parents are at a loss for what to do or how to ensure their child(ren) stays disciplined.

Discipline is not an emergency or a punishment. It is a training that helps one develop self-control, character, orderliness and efficiency. It is a continuous process of self-improvement and personal growth that requires patience, persistence, and a strong commitment to one’s values and goals. Disciplining your child means teaching them responsible behaviours and self-control. Parents should pace the discipline of their child(ren) with the child’s capacity to understand and imbibe these values. Disciplinary actions must tie back to a specific offence/misbehaviour of the child and not just thrashing for the sake of it.

There are other ways to achieve the aim of correcting a child’s bad behaviour aside from flogging since flogging can sometimes reinforce bad behaviour and make children more hardened. Here are some alternatives you can try instead of flogging your child(ren) in order to instill discipline: 

Communicate

This should be the start of any form of discipline. It should always begin with a conversation. When a child has shown deviant behaviour, one of the ways to correct this instead of flogging is by communicating. 

Most times when children misbehave, they really do not understand the full impact of their actions. Your role as an adult is to try to explain in the simplest of terms and help them see reason. 

This helps them develop a sense of responsibility for their actions and then you can follow up with a commensurate consequence. Remember not to yell or use abusive words when trying to communicate. To change any child, a parent must be firm and stand his or her ground. No empty threats, so think about your threats before you issue them!

Community service and chores

The child is assigned to assist people in the neighbourhood or assigned more chores in the house than they normally have, bearing in mind that there are no rewards for these chores. The child gets time to think while helping others as well as cultivating the give-back mentality.

Timeout

This is so popular now and they get toddlers crying as soon as they hear this. It is a great alternative to flogging your child and can be administered both ways; as a time of seclusion immediately after a bad behaviour for the kid or as a moment of respite to evaluate your next line of action when you’re very upset with your kid. It is perfectly okay to say. “I’m too upset to deal with you right now; we will talk about this later.” Always endeavour to inform the child about the wrong action that necessitated the timeout so that they don’t repeat it.

Ground Them

This is similar to “time out” but it’s for much older children who are a bit independent. When a child is grounded it means a total or limited inability to access something they really like. It might be their cell phone, visiting friends or gaming. The goal here is not just to deny them access to what they love but to allow them to reflect on their actions (and their consequences) without distractions. A child can be grounded and still spend those periods away from his/her friends as a learning period when they can be mandated to read books or be coached on empathy or anger management. The authority a parent has over their child is very key and it must be used right to raise the child. 

Set Rules

This provides them with a code of conduct, where they understand what is expected of them and the consequences of going against it. It gives them the power of choice and also enables them to understand boundaries. For example, you could say: “all chores must be done before breakfast” and “whoever fails to finish their chores before breakfast will do every other person’s chore the next day” so when they fail to adhere, they understand the resulting action.

Physical exercise

Sometimes there is an urge to flog a child as Africans but another way to get your child in shape and still get them to learn a lesson is through physical exercise. Walking to school or having to do 50 push-ups for naughty behaviour may not sound like much but this would instill discipline and still ensure that the child is physically fit. Remember to remind the child about his naughty behaviour when they cry out in pain as they carry out this physical task.

Be a role model

The best way to get kids to learn anything is by doing and not just saying. You need to mirror the exact values you’re trying to instill in them. It makes it easier for them to adopt and adapt. If you want them to be calm even when upset, you have to take the lead and be conscious of your body language when you’re upset with them/anyone as they’re emulating you consciously or unconsciously. 

Articulated write-up

After a talk on why your child has done what is wrong and even after he has promised to be of good behaviour, another way to discipline the child is to have them write good statements/articles about themselves a 1000 times or write out several words that reflect the lesson you’re trying to pass across or how they intend to shun such bad behaviour in the future. You could also draft out a deed of good behaviour with the help of your kid and create a part where they can sign. You don’t have to flog when you can assign a book to your child and ask him to summarise it in 10 pages at least 5 times. This develops the child’s reading culture and causes them to pay attention more and learn the basics of life while being corrected for wrongdoing.

Children will always be children. They’d go out of line and depend on you as a parent to steady them from time to time. When this happens, the temptation to mete out corporal punishment may be high(especially if your parents did the same to you) but please remember that while corporal punishment might be a quick fix, its long term effects on the kids are damaging. However, discipline (may take a while), when done properly can transform your child for the best.

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