How To Identify Lagosians 101 – If You’ve Had These Experiences, You’re Definitely A Lagosian

A Lagosian once said, ”If Lagos was a university, no one ever graduates, we keep adding new courses”. But who really is a Lagosian? Believe me, being a true Lagosian is not a matter of ethnic group or tribe but rather the lifestyle you are exposed to. And yet, some people who have been in Lagos for years still do not identify as Lagosians. I know that sounds contradicting but it is what it is.

Another netizen also said, “Lagos is an unscripted movie without double retakes.  Different crazy things happen and no one waits for anyone to recover from shock.” Yes, being a Lagosian is an entire experience and if you’re hoping for a little Lagos drama, you’ve got one in every danfo bus.

Just when you think you’ve had the craziest of crazy experiences in Lagos, you hear another insane story that exceeds yours. In fact, there’s an entire thread on X dedicated to the wildest things that people have experienced in Lagos. So if you’re looking for how to identify Lagosians, the common factor is their crazy, wild and dramatic stories. From danfo drivers, to real estate agents and Lagos mechanics, there’s always a story.

If you’re a Lagosian, you’ll be able to identify with most if not all of the experiences I’ll list in this article. And if you are not, best believe your mouth will be left hanging open in shock, in awe and everything in between by the time you get to the end. Let’s get into it.

You’re Scared of Oshodi

There’s a saying that many are mad and few are roaming but let’s tweak that saying a little bit. Many are mad and most are in Oshodi.

Even if you were born and bred in Lagos, the panic that comes with having to go to Oshodi for one reason or another is real. That place is not for the weak and the faint-hearted. 

If you go to Oshodi one of these two things might happen. It’s either you’re robbed or you’ll see someone getting robbed. That’s just how it is.

You can smell traffic from a mile away

I can’t explain this but it’s in our genes somehow. We’re always anticipating traffic. Mind you traffic, go slow and holdup are not the same thing. They have varying levels of intensity. In fact, we factor in traffic when making many decisions.

A typical Lagosian wakes up by 4am just to beat traffic. If you wake up anything later than that, your character is questionable. The funny thing is, you’d think that waking up by 4am automatically means getting to your destination on time, right? Laughs in Third Mainland Bridge. Wrong!

You live on the Mainland and work on the Island 

It’s not unusual in Lagos to live in Ikorodu and work in Ikoyi. Or to take 4-5 buses just to get to your destination. Don’t ask why. Like I said earlier, that’s just how it is.

Those 3MB daily commuters are a special breed. I mean, after having to deal with 8-10 mad conductors everyday just to get to and from work, nothing fazes them again.

If you know any of them, just take them to a correct mama put and buy them food because they’ve likely had a breakfast and dinner of gala and lacasera one too many times in traffic.

You’ve had to struggle for Bus

The struggle is real! For every 14-seat danfo in Lagos there’s like 52 people struggling to board it. Those already in the bus who have gotten to their destination are struggling to alight while those who wish to take the bus to their destination are struggling to get in. 

There’s nothing but chaos. Somehow they all eventually figure it out. Moments later, a commuter finds out they have been pickpocketed, evidently, during the struggle. And if it’s not that, their clothes are either torn or rumpled beyond hope. Lagos 1 – Commuter 0.

You’ve witnessed a quarrel/fight ft. Conductor

Lagos conductors are the real gangsters. WWE needs to recruit those men. They’re always involved in one scuffle or another. If it’s not with the passengers then it’s with LASTMA, other conductors, agberos at the bus stop, other drivers and sometimes even with their own bus drivers. 

For your own good, I’ll advise you to always have change for the transport fare when boarding a danfo because those conductors are ready to curse you out if you don’t. Or worst case scenario, you’ll be paired with someone whom the conductor also owes change and be left to figure it out with that person.

You’ve experienced Lagos Okada men

There are bikers and there are okada men. Then, there are Lagos Okada men. They were a nightmare but they could also be the difference between you and your dream appointment. 

Before they were banned on major roads in Lagos, I recall one particular Friday at Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way where I saw a man who had to leave his police escort in go-slow and fly bike just to get to the International Airport on time. Lagos will humble you!🤣

These Lagos okada men are not afraid of anything, not even death. Every time you fly bike in Lagos, you’re one ride away from landing at the National Orthopedic Hospital (or Igbobi as it’s fondly called). It’s a thrilling experience, regardless. 

You’ve been scammed at Computer Village

A list of how to identify Lagosians won’t be complete without this. The scamming at Computer Village cannot be compared to anywhere else. There are many stories of people who have gone to buy brand new phones, tested it there to confirm it’s working only to get home to find out they’ve paid for scrap. 

Suddenly the phone stops working or the battery is now fufu or paper. Or your iPhone’s power on interface is showing the Itel logo. The travails are endless. 

Everyone in Lagos is angry and everybody is rushing to somewhere. Make sure to mind your business but also be a good person and try to render help if you see someone who genuinely needs it. But before you help somebody, shine ya eye and be certain of the person you’re helping make dem no run your street. 

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