When your head and your heart have been engaged in constant conflicts in recent times; you keep having questions but you don’t like the answers. You tell yourself you’re being too quick to conclude when it’s just a slight mistake. You’re not sure if it’s time to move on or dig in your heels and fight for love. Here are some red flags to look out for in your relationship:
Spending More Time With Third Parties
This is a silent killer of relationships because it causes people to drift apart but quietly, especially when people aren’t very observant, it can be a dangerous thing. You know those failed relationships where people can’t explain how it happened, they just suddenly observed that they’re like good neighbours and nothing more…..In most cases, this is the culprit.
When your LOML starts enjoying the company of other people more than yours, it’s not so hard to tell. It’s usually obvious in the amount of time they spend with their new ‘muse’ or even other people (male/female), consciously or unconsciously.
Interestingly, once they spend more time with them, they’ll also spend more time talking about them even when they’re talking to you. You know what they say about energy and focus flowing in the same direction. If it’s not in your direction, it is going elsewhere. Once you notice the shift in attention, it might be wise to call for a conversation ASAP if you’re still interested in that relationship.
Being Secretive
This is a no-brainer! Once your partner starts smuggling their phone(s) and passwords around like it’s the latest contraband in Nigeria or they’re running off to the toilet to take the mechanic’s call, it is usually a telltale sign of “issues.” People don’t hide things when they don’t have a reason to. I know some people would say, “the phones are off limits from day one” but what’s a relationship without trust? Or how do we say this with a modicum of decency, “I trust you with my body and privacy but my phone is more precious than those, so stay away from it!”
I think it’s a case of misplaced priorities and you need to decide if that’s stuff you want to deal with but the moment phone passwords join the list of issues you have to deal with in a relationship, just know that y’all are headed for the rocks!
Change of Titles
Once your name changes from the usual pet name/endearment like “babe” to your first name or your native name, or they add brother/sister as a prefix to your name, *laughs in anticipated turbulence* just start putting your heart in order because breakfast might be around the corner. Sometimes, they might not be bold enough to call you that way to your face but would change the way your contact is saved on their phone or change your special ringtone to the general ringtone.
When The Defenses Go Back Up
Another red flag that indicates your relationship is headed for the rocks is when those walls go back up. When people start intentionally shutting you out and redefining boundaries you’ve gone past before now. For instance, they might say, “Please don’t call me after a specific time, it’s too late” or “don’t visit me without my permission, I don’t appreciate such surprises from you.” It’s clear-cut evidence that something has gone south and needs fixing ASAP! Some might even take it a step further by stonewalling you and avoiding communication at all costs.
Communication Breakdown
Communication is a major pillar in any relationship. Every other problem can be solved leveraging right communication but the moment communication breaks down in a relationship, it’s a sure sign you’ve reached the beginning of the end. This is because the absence of communication breeds all sorts of chaos; from misunderstandings to aggression to various shades of vengeful behavior.
Verbal And Physical Abuse
This is the height of degeneration in a relationship. It is characterized by repeated acts of ill treatment, cruelty and violence and it can come in any form. It could be emotional, verbal and or physical. When a relationship gets to this point, it is best for both parties to stay away from each other while trying to seek out solutions if you’re still interested in going forward with the relationship. Anything or anyone that puts you down or makes you feel less (whether subtly done or not) is not deserving of you, you don’t have to feel guilty about it, raise your head high and walk away knowing you deserve better!
Truth is not all problems in relationships should lead to a dissolution. Sometimes, we just need to put in the necessary effort to get the desired results and that’s the purpose of this article; to point out those red flags, so you can identify them timely and work on them.
P.S – This is exclusive of abusive relationships as the best thing to do with those is to exit the ship and run for your life.
I hope with these few points of mine, you can easily spot the loopholes in your relationship and draw a road map to a better resolution. I’m rooting for you!
Join me and let’s discuss more insightful tips about relationships in the “Dating and Relationship” community on Fusion….xoxo
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