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What To Do When She says “We need to talk”

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we need to talk

Has your partner ever told you those four words, “We need to talk”? What did you feel after hearing it? Dread, Panic, Fear? It’s normal to feel those things. Some people might say those four words are an indication that things are about to go downhill. But that isn’t always the case. 

Read: What It Means When She Says “We Need To Talk”

Sometimes, it’s how you respond to those four words that would determine how the relationship would go. 

Want to know how to navigate ‘The Talk’ with confidence, empathy, and an open mind? 

Let’s get into it.

Show Empathy 

Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see things from their perspective. This can help you better understand where they’re coming from and how to respond in a way that’s supportive and constructive. Try not to become defensive from the get-go. Be patient and empathetic. This is especially helpful if your partner is someone who avoids confrontation and difficult conversations. Remember that it must have taken a lot of courage and mental strenght for them to have that conversation with you. 

Practice Active Listening

We need to talk

Give your partner your full attention, make eye contact, and use phrases like “I see” or “I hear you” to show that you’re engaged and interested in what they’re saying. Active listening is an essential communication skill that helps improve relationships by ensuring that both parties feel heard and understood. 

It’s unkind and insensitive to be on your phone when they’re trying to pour out their heart. Even when the conversation is difficult and uncomfortable, ensure that you stay in the moment. Also, listen to understand and not to respond. This will help them feel heard and help you decide the best way to respond.

Be Honest and Transparent

We need to talk

Honesty is key in any relationship. Without honesty, trust and intimacy cannot be built, and the relationship may suffer. Always be open and truthful with your partner, as it will help foster understanding and deepen your connection. 

This also means that you effectively communicate your feelings about the subject. Sometimes, what they need to talk about might be shocking or troubling and you might have a hard time wrapping your head around it. Instead of going mute, lashing out or walking away, gently ask your partner for some time to process your thoughts. This will help them understand that you’re not being avoidant; you just need time to process and articulate your thoughts and feelings appropriately.

Avoid Bringing Up Past Mistakes

We need to talk

Bringing up past mistakes can make your partner feel defensive and can lead to an argument. Instead, focus on the present and how you can move forward together. Constantly bringing up past mistakes can make your partner feel like you don’t trust them or their ability to change. It could also be an avoidance technique and could evolve into gaslighting. Focus on the problem at hand and aim to attack the problem and not your partner.

Show Appreciation

Even during a serious conversation, it’s important to show your partner that you appreciate and value them. Acknowledge their efforts, their strengths, and the love you both share. Depending on the subject of the conversation, you could even thank them for bringing it up and being willing to talk things through instead of taking a more problematic route.

Seek Professional Help If Needed

We need to talk

If you find that you’re unable to resolve your issues on your own, consider seeking the help of a relationship counsellor or therapist. Seeking the help of a professional can be important because they can help you and your partner identify patterns in your relationship, improve communication, and find solutions to problems.

Take Time to Reflect

We need to talk

After the conversation, take some time to reflect on what was said and how you responded. Consider how you could have handled things differently and how you can improve in the future. Be willing to apologize where you have done wrong and don’t allow the matter to linger for too long.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs. By communicating effectively and openly, you can work through your issues and strengthen your bond. 

Share this article if you found it helpful and join our Dating and Relationship community for more useful tips, banter, and fun challenges. 

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Nesiama Fasola
Nesiama Fasola
Nesiama (Ness) Fasola is a community manager, tech enthusiast, writer and full time hopeless romantic. She loves to scribble words in a bid to make sense of the jumble of thoughts, ideas and emotions that constantly plague her mind. At her leisure, you can either find her nose-deep in a book, brewing coffee or poking around in her garden.

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  5. Can I just say what a relief to discover someone who really knows what they’re talking about on the net. You definitely realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people need to look at this and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you are not more popular given that you certainly possess the gift.

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