5 Ways to Survive Black Tax with T-Pain

Let’s face it – if you’re Nigerian and you have a job, you’ve probably experienced Black Tax. For the uninitiated, Black Tax isn’t a government levy; it’s the unofficial, unending financial obligation to family and friends that eats into your paycheck faster than you eat Jollof rice at a wedding.

But now, with T-Pain (aka our dear president) remixing the economy and dropping back-to-back hits, surviving Black Tax feels like an Olympic sport. Don’t worry, though – I’ve got you covered. Here are 5 ways you can survive black tax in this economy.

1. Pretend You’re Broke

If T-Pain can sell the country on “Nigeria is broke,” you can absolutely sell that narrative to your family group chat. When Auntie Ngozi starts with, “Beta pikin, please send small change for hospital bill,” reply with, “Ah, I’ve not been paid since September o! Things are tight.” Add a crying emoji for effect.

Sure, they might gossip about you during the next family meeting, but at least your bank account will breathe.

2. Open a Business That Doesn’t Make Sense

Start an “investment” like a snail farm or plantain chips factory. Tell everyone their requests for money are “pending returns from my business venture.”

If they press you, hit them with, “This economy is not favorable for SMEs”. You can apply this line any time, even if the only business you’ve opened is a savings account.

3. Leverage “Transfer Delays”

When Uncle Mike needs money to fix his generator, reply with, “I’ve sent it, but you know how these banking apps are now. Network issues!” The scope works better if you throw in “…you know how GTB has been lately.”

This will buy you at least 48 hours to figure out how to either dodge the payment or miraculously find the funds.

4. Budget Like an Auditor

Surviving Black Tax in this economy requires serious budgeting skills. Allocate funds for “essential expenses” (a.k.a., fuel for your gen) and Black Tax (a fixed amount that you absolutely must not exceed.) Don’t forget to set money aside for what matters the most (Netflix subscriptions and food to stay sane).

When Cousin Tunde begs for school fees, tell him, “Ah, school is important, but right now, I’m on a strict budget. I’ll send you what I have for now and you can figure the rest out.”

5. Weaponize Your Stress

The next time someone asks for money, start your reply with: “Do you know what I’m going through in this country?!”

Before they can protest, launch into a rant about fuel prices, inflation. Tell them how even bread now costs as much as a small goat. By the time you’re done, they’ll be so exhausted they’ll forget why they called in the first place.

Remember, if you want to survive Black Tax, pace yourself, and protect your wallet. And if all else fails, pretend your phone screen is cracked whenever someone sends you a “can you help me with…” message.

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Nesiama Fasola

Nesiama (Ness) Fasola is a community manager, tech enthusiast, writer and full time hopeless romantic. She loves to scribble words in a bid to make sense of the jumble of thoughts, ideas and emotions that constantly plague her mind. At her leisure, you can either find her nose-deep in a book, brewing coffee or poking around in her garden.