December is the month of Dettying with abandon, gifting people who won’t reciprocate, and spending your salary before it even hits your account. But let’s not forget that January, also known as “the 72-day month,” is lurking around the corner, ready to humble even the proudest spender.
So how do you navigate budgeting to survive the financial rollercoaster? Here’s a masterclass in stretching your December salary till February.
1. Turn “No” into Your Favorite Word
No, you can’t attend every owambe this month. No, you can’t buy that matching Christmas pajama set (alternatives dey). And no, you can’t dash your cousin money for their “business proposal” (aka betting app). “No” is the budgeter’s best friend. Practice saying it with your full chest; nobody will beat you!
2. Become a Professional Food Smuggler
Holiday season = free food season. Attend events with Tupperware (aka plastic takeaway) discreetly tucked into your handbag. You’re not just going to eat; you’re taking home tomorrow’s lunch and dinner. When your host says, “Take more jollof,” don’t be shy—secure the bag. Literally.
3. Ghost Your Friends (Temporarily, of Course)
Avoid friends who say things like:
- “Let’s hit the club tonight!”
- “It’s just one round of small chops; you can afford it.”
- “Don’t worry, we’ll split the bill.”
They’re financial red flags, and spending time with them will leave you drinking garri in January. Activate airplane mode and tell them you’ve gone for “personal development.”
4. Give Santa Claus the Day Off
Gifts? In this economy? Tell everyone you’re focusing on “the gift of presence” this year. Hand out handwritten notes with affirmations like, “You’re a star!” or “Your vibes are immaculate.” If anyone complains, remind them that Jesus didn’t have a gift registry.
5. Cook at Home (No, Really)
December has a way of making everyone forget their kitchen exists. Before you know it, you’ve spent your life savings on small chops and overpriced asun. Get reacquainted with your pots and pans—it’s cheaper, healthier, and you can still “spice things up” with Instagram-worthy plating.
6. Pretend January Doesn’t Exist
Here’s a sneaky psychological trick: Budget for January and February in December. That way, by the time January arrives with its disrespectful energy bills and back-to-school expenses, you’ll already be two steps ahead. The key is to treat January like it’s happening next week. (Spoiler: It basically is.)
7. Sell Things You Don’t Need
Do you really need five pairs of sneakers? Or that outfit you’ve only worn once because it itches? Turn your wardrobe into an ATM by selling unused items online. Bonus: You’ll feel less guilty splurging on small pleasures when you’re technically spending “free” money.
8. Learn the Art of Selective Fasting
Fasting isn’t just for spiritual growth—it’s a budgeting tool, too! Skip breakfast and call it intermittent fasting. Cut out dinner, and suddenly, you’re health-conscious and financially responsible. Who knew hunger could be so rewarding?
9. Normalize “I Don’t Have”
If someone asks you for money, practice saying, “I don’t have” with confidence. It doesn’t matter if they just saw you buy shawarma; this is your budgeting journey, not theirs. Even banks say “insufficient funds”—why can’t you?
10. Create a Vision Board of Your January Struggles
Visualize yourself broke, eating okpa and regretting your life choices in January. Stick this image on your fridge as a reminder every time you’re tempted to “ball small.” Fear is a great motivator.
Budgeting isn’t about depriving yourself; it’s about making sure future you doesn’t hate current you. So, go ahead and enjoy the festive season—but remember, December shege lasts only a month, while January shege feels like an eternity. Plan wisely, and may your salary never run dry before February.
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