Detty December Gone Wrong: 4 Nigerians Share Their Experiences 

While we were busy rocking detty December, some people’s December was doing them detty even without the input of their “village people.”

I have heard all sorts of hilarious stories, believe me when I tell you that some people have stories of holiday horror that’ll leave you clutching your chest with laughter (and maybe pity).

In this article, I’ll share a few.

Akin

I’ll never forget how I embarrassed my ancestors at a party this christmas. I went christmas chopping as usual with my friend during the festive period. We have this custom of going from one house (of our loved ones) to another to eat and celebrate the holidays with them.

On this particular day, we had gone to a couple of houses, eaten our fill and were about to retire for the night, when my guy buzzed me about an all night party with lots to eat and drink. 

I encouraged my friend to come with me. We got there and everything was in excess -serve yourself! I ate like I was going on a death mission afterwards, not minding the dangerous signals I was getting from my stomach.

Until it was too late…I started farting uncontrollably…loud ones o. I was still struggling to control the loudness when the unthinkable happened… I pooped in my pants

Heyyy, I wanted to die! My friend managed to smuggle me out of the party before it became general knowledge. Since then, I haven’t stepped out of my house.

Moral of the story? Shelve your greed when eating out! And if you can’t, carry a sachet of flagyl around as 2FA.

Aminat

I had just started working last year, and as a responsible adult, I’d decided to buy a live chicken for the family for the Christmas celebration. I’d also announced to everyone that I’d kill the chicken myself. 

I’d gotten a lot of accolades from my older siblings and my parents and we were looking forward to the “day of slaughter.” 

The day came and everything was good until it was time to kill the chicken. I’d gotten several tips on how to get it done and was feeling fully equipped for the job. I got down to business and thought I’d done justice until I lifted my leg and the chicken started jumping around. God abeg! I ran like a mad man and nearly jumped the fence. 

Long story short, I didn’t eat any chicken for christmas, I was too traumatized! And after that, I’ve not bought another live chicken. If it’s not already processed or frozen, I have no interest in it. 

Moral of the story? Always confirm your chicken doesn’t have a black belt. Not every chicken wants to be eaten.

Queen

I loved Rema a lot and it was like a dream come true to get a free ticket to his concert in Lagos last December, and because I didn’t want to go alone, I forced my boyfriend to buy his ticket.  

We drove down to Lagos from Ibadan, lodged in a hotel close to the venue (and you know how expensive the hotels on the island can be, especially in December) just to avoid Lagos traffic. 

When it was almost time for the concert, we got dressed, ordered an uber and stepped out. Only to get to the venue and find out that there’d been a last minute venue change and the new venue wasn’t announced across all social media platforms, only on X…arrrgghh 

After searching X for what seemed like ages, we found the new venue and had to order another ride(the surge was crazy). We sha got there in time for the concert

But Rema decided to come around 10;30 and left 12 on the dot. It was a Sunday night and at midnight, he performed ‘Monday morning, talking about me while I’m making money, heheheheheheheheh…’ and he got off the stage. 

I was angryyy. When I started calculating how much I’d spent (over 250k) to attend this concert plus the stress, I just concluded that it wasn’t me; maybe I was under the influence of something because…

Moral of the story: Don’t stan Nigerian artists, they’re not loyal to fans.

Chikodi

I attended my cousin’s wedding party at my family house in the village last year. We were all in high spirits and excited to be in the village and ready to oppress anybody with the wads of money we had packaged from Lagos to be spent at the wedding as per big boy concern. 

I got to the dance floor and was spraying the couple. Somehow, the way my guys and I were spraying had caught the attention of the local band that was playing and they decided to hail me small.

I thought it was nothing initially until I decided to show love and spray a few notes in their direction, these guys then delved into a full blown praise singing session

They sang my praises until I spent all the money I had and borrowed more to spray. That was how I spent money I did not have and got stranded in the village after the occasion and festivities. I had to borrow money from my colleagues to return to Lagos. 

Moral of the story? When attending parties, keep your tfare with a prudent friend since you know you can’t trust yourself.

I had a good laugh listening to these stories and I’m sure you have more hilarious stories to share. 

Drop your interesting detty December stories on Fusion and let’s laugh away the stress of January.