Remember when romance meant candlelit dinners, late-night drives, and spontaneous weekend getaways with lots of sex? Yeah, those were the pre-kid glory days. Now, your nights involve dodging tiny feet in your bed, answering “Mummy, are you sleeping?” for the 50th time, and silently praying that the baby doesn’t wake up just as things are getting interesting.
At this point, your love life is under siege, held hostage by tiny humans who refuse to respect bedtime boundaries. But fear not! Love isn’t dead; it’s just hiding under a pile of stuffed animals and school assignments. If you’re determined to keep the flames of love burning despite your little “cockblockers” (yes, I said it), here’s how to keep your romance alive after kids (and how to do it without getting caught.)
1. Silent Romance (a.k.a Stealth Mode)
Gone are the days of passionate declarations and loud lovemaking. Now, romance is about how quietly you can express your love without waking the kids. A lingering touch while passing in the hallway? Yes. A quick kiss behind the fridge door? Absolutely. Texting sweet nothings while sitting side by side pretending to watch Cocomelon? Highly effective.
Your new love language is “silent but intense”—think Mission Impossible, but with less Tom Cruise and more dodging Legos on your way to the kitchen.
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2. Pretend You’re Running Errands Together
You’re parents now, which means alone time is as rare as a NEPA light that lasts all night. But if you play it smart, a quick run to “buy bread” can turn into a 15-minute romantic getaway. Take a detour, hold hands in traffic, and steal a moment to remember why you chose each other in the first place. Just don’t return home empty-handed unless you want the kids to riot.
3. Embrace The Midnight Rendezvous
Who needs sleep anyway? If the kids have mastered the art of staying up late like unpaid security guards, then you must adapt. Once they finally crash (probably in your bed), that’s your time to shine. A quiet cuddle, a whispered joke, or even a muffled quickie – every little moment counts. And if all else fails, just stare at each other from across the room and mouth “soon.”
4. Make Screen Time Your Ally
Yes, we know, screen time should be limited, blah blah blah. But desperate times call for Netflix solutions. That extra episode of their favorite cartoon? Strategic. That new tablet you bought for “educational purposes”? Convenient. The moment they are mesmerized by the bright, hypnotic glow of the TV screen, you have exactly 15 minutes to rekindle your love before someone starts asking for snacks. Use it wisely.
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5. Leverage the Village!
They say it takes a village to raise a child – well, it also takes a village to get some quality alone time with your spouse. If you have trusted aunties, grandmas, uncles, or close friends who adore your kids, don’t be shy; use them. Drop the kids off for a “bonding session” with Grandma (aka free babysitting), or invite that favourite aunty over for a “special playdate.”
Also, don’t over-explain; just say “We need to run some errands” (they don’t need to know the errands involve loud moans and long-awaited orgasms. By the time the kids are back, you’ll have had your much-needed ‘romance after kids’ moment, and Grandma will be their new favorite person. Win-win!
So, dear parents, don’t stress if your love life looks different these days. Love isn’t always about candlelit dinners; it’s also about surviving bedtime battles together and finding joy in stolen moments. Keep the romance alive, even if it means sexting each other over the sound of Peppa Pig.
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