So, your friends are always flexing their vacations in Santorini, Dubai, or the Maldives, and your biggest trip last year was from Lagos to Ibadan? Relax, my dear.
Who needs international stamps when you have vibes, confidence, and an unlimited data plan? Here’s your ultimate guide to convincing everyone that you’re well-traveled; even if the only “trip” you’ve taken is falling asleep in a danfo and missing your bus stop.
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1. Sprinkle Foreign Phrases into Every Conversation
Why say “thank you” when you can dramatically whisper “arigato” and nod like a wise Japanese monk? Did someone offer you suya? Respond with “gracias” like you just got served tapas in Madrid. The key is to be as unnecessarily extra as possible. Nobody will ask you where you learned it because they’ll just assume you’re well-traveled or you studied abroad (or have an international sugar daddy).
2. Wear Travel Merch Like You Just Came Back
A Paris hoodie, an “I ❤️ NY” T-shirt, or a tote bag that says “Venice, Italy” is enough to make people assume you just got off a flight. Pair it with a mildly tired look like jet lag is still holding you hostage, and boom – instant traveler status. Bonus points if you complain about how “the time difference is messing with your body clock” (even though you’ve never left WAT).
PS: There are tons of IG vendors who can help you print on that hoodie, shirt or tote bag. Nobody’s gonna know.
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3. Use Google Maps Like a Local
Nothing screams “seasoned traveler” like knowing random street names in foreign cities. Casually drop, “When I was in Amsterdam, I stayed near Dam Square, just a short walk from Rijksmuseum.” It doesn’t matter if you’ve only seen it on Google Street View. Confidence is key.
4. Take Strategic Airport Photos
You don’t have to actually fly anywhere – just visit the international terminal, take a picture of the departures board, and post it with a vague caption like “Off again! ✈️ #Wanderlust.” Watch as the comments roll in asking where you’re going. Never confirm. Just respond with “You’ll see soon” and let imagination do the rest.
5. Become an Expert in Foreign Snacks
Buy imported chocolates and foreign-brand biscuits from supermarkets with overpriced international sections. Casually mention how “European Pringles just taste different” or how “Oreos in the US have way more filling.” Nobody will fact-check you because… who has the time?
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6. Master the Art of the Fake Holiday Story
“Oh my God, Bali was such a dream! But the humidity? My skin suffered, sha.” Who needs to actually go when you have YouTube vlogs and Instagram influencers to do the traveling for you? Just memorize details from travel blogs and say things like, “The Eiffel Tower is nice, but Montmartre is the real gem of Paris.” Congratulations, you’ve just won ‘Best in Well-Traveled.’
7. Use a VPN to Fake Your Location
Want to convince people you’re in Canada? Get a VPN, change your location to Toronto, and start posting weather complaints. “-5°C and still have to go out? Life is hard, eh?”—Your Nigerian friends will never question you because they don’t know what that level of cold feels like. And just like that, you’re well-traveled.
RELATED: The Nigerian’s Guide to Living A Fake Life
8. Follow All the Travel Bloggers
When your feed is filled with content from people actually traveling, you’ll start sounding like a pro by association. Drop random travel trivia like, “Did you know Tokyo has vending machines that sell fresh eggs?” Everyone will just assume you’ve been there.
9. Start Every Story with “When I Was in…”
This is the pinnacle of international flexing. It doesn’t matter if you were in Johannesburg via Google Images, just start the sentence with “When I was in South Africa…” and let the details flow.
10. Use Airport Codes Like a Pro
No one says “London” anymore. It’s “LHR.” Stop saying “Dubai”—it’s “DXB.” And for extra spice, say things like “I prefer JFK over LAX, but ATL has its charm.” Even if you’ve never set foot in these places, people will nod along, impressed by your expertise.
You don’t need a visa, flight ticket, or immigration stress to be a world traveler. All you need is creativity, audacity, and a little bit of Google. With these tips, you’ll soon be the most “traveled” person in your circle, without ever leaving your neighborhood. Bon voyage, my fellow travel con artist!
Join the Travel and Hospitality community on Fusion for more travel inspiration, tips, and fun trivia where you can test your ‘travel knowledge’ and show off your expertise. You can also win cash prizes while you’re at it. A win is a win!
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