I honestly don’t know why in Nigeria, getting your money back from a debtor is a full-time job. Some people borrow with no intention of paying, and some even get angry when you ask for your own money!
If you want to collect your money without turning it into an episode of Crime & Justice Lagos, I’ve got the perfect strategies for you. You’ll need a pen and paper for this one.
The Friendly Reminder Approach
This is for those who still have faith in humanity.
Just send your debtors a message like this: “Hey bro, just checking in. Hope you’re good? By the way, about that small 50k, when should I expect it?”
Your debtors will probably promise you next week and guess what?Next week will come and go like fuel scarcity, and the money will still be missing. But at least you asked nicely.
The Passive-Aggressive Approach
This is when you are tired of asking directly and want to start sending signals.
You go on WhatsApp and update your status:
“If you owe me money, and you’re still posting ‘God when’, just know say God pass you.”
Or on Twitter:
“Some people will be forming rich but cannot pay small 20k. Lmao, God is watching you in 5D.”
If they have a conscience, they will reply: “Bros, are you talking about me?”
Congratulations, you now have their attention.
The Nigerian Parent Method
When all else fails, turn to emotional manipulation.
You: “Bros, I take God beg you, no let me disgrace my family. My landlord don give me quit notice. Na only your money I dey wait for.”
Debtor: “Haba, no be so na! You be my guy. Just give me small time.”
At this point, you have entered ‘is coming’ mode. But at least, they now feel bad.
The ‘Man of God’ Strategy
This one works if your debtor is religious.
You: “Baba, I just finished a powerful prayer session, and your name dropped in my spirit. The Holy Spirit said I should tell you something about a ‘pending debt’.”
“My brother, settle your debts so that the heavens can open for you.”
At this point, they will either pay you or start binding and casting you. Either way, progress has been made.
The ‘Visit Them Unexpectedly’ Approach
If your debtor has been avoiding your calls, it’s time to take it to the next level. No announcement. Just land at their house. Unannounced.
You: “My gee! Surprise visit! How far?”
Debtor (sweating): “Ah! You for tell me say you dey come na!”
You: “No wahala, I just say make I show. By the way, about that my money…”
Now, they have nowhere to run.
The Fake Giveaway Trap
This is highly effective on social media.
You post: “Giving away 50k to the first person to send me their account number. Let’s spread love!”
Debtor will immediately comment: “Odogwu, bless me!”
You: “Lol. Pay my 50k first, then we go talk.”
Game over. Checkmate.
The ‘Village People Are Watching’ Strategy
This is the last card you pull when all else fails.
You: “My guy, how far? Hope all is well? I just dream say you dey carry pot of soup and your leg swell.”
Debtor: “Jesus! What does it mean?”
You: “I don’t know, but e be like say e get something you never settle. Think well…”
They will send your money before midnight.
Getting your hard-earned money from a debtor is a special skill.
When they needed the loan, they were calling you “Odogwu”, “Boss”, and “My chairman”. The moment it’s time to pay back? Suddenly, they are busier than Dangote, and their excuses are longer than Third Mainland Bridge.
But with these tested and trusted strategies, you just might get your money back without breaking a single bottle.
I wish you all the best in your “peaceful debt-collecting venture.” May your accounts be credited, and may your friends stop using your money to do ‘soft life’ on Instagram.
If any of these strategies work for you, don’t gate-keep! Rush over to the Finance 101 community on Fusion and tell us all about it.
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