Battle Of The Sexes In Relationships: Love, Ego, And Expectations

Relationships are beautiful, until they’re not. This minute you’re both laughing heartily while having a pillow fight, the next minute you’re arguing over why the toothpaste is squeezed from the middle.

Relationships can be a lot of drama, especially when it comes to spotting differences between the sexes. This has always been an issue from time immemorial, and now it’s living rent free in our homes.

Sometimes it’s rosy and going so well that you keep pinching yourself to be sure it’s real, and other times you just want out and would rather go back to embracing the single life.

Love, ego, and expectations can either make or break a relationship, and we are going to see how.

1. Love

“You never say you love me first, I’m always the first to say it”

“I placed you on a monthly allowance, how else do I let you know that I love you’

Everyone wants love, everyone loves love, but do you think you are translating it the right way? Both genders often define love differently. One wants more connection, the other expresses love by “showing workings”.

How we show love and what we expect in return can be totally different, and that is why knowing your partner’s love languages is very important. This can only be possible when communication is taken very seriously in the relationship.

2. Ego

You have checked your phone for the umpteenth time now to see if he has sent a good morning text. Nobody will beat you if you’re the first to text, you know?

You know that moment when you KNOW you’re wrong but you still say, “Okay, do whatever you like”? Instead of just saying “I’m sorry,” the guy suddenly feels “a man shouldn’t be the one to apologize”, and the lady is “too soft and should be babied”

Ego makes you debate who calls first, apologizes first, or texts back first. Men are often conditioned to be dominant, emotionally contained, and in control. Women are taught to be expressive, strong but accommodating, and aware of everyone’s emotional needs (including the guy who has refused to admit he’s wrong).

Ego turns simple miscommunication into a very big issue, and this can be avoided by taking responsibility for your actions and not making the relationship a competition ground.

3. Expectations

If you don’t tell him what you want, he won’t know, neither will she know either. Nobody is a mind reader.

Expectations are often unspoken, sometimes it comes from you wanting your partner to be like your Uncle that’s in the UK, or the lifestyle of your favourite IG influencer. When unmet, you get disappointed, frustrated and hurt.

Sometimes you don’t even have to go to “Mount Everest” to make your partner feel good, the little things count too. Help her with the dishes and plan surprise dates without her having to ask. As the lady, support him emotionally, and give him space when he needs to clear his head.

Gender roles haunt relationships till now. She might work a 9-5, come home, cook, care, and still be expected to “bathe her husband, if that’s what he wants”. He might want to cry but is told “men don’t cry”. Both partners eventually get exhausted by roles that don’t serve them, and love gradually turns to hatred.

ALSO READ: 5 Ways To Deal With Relationship Barriers And Not Lose Your Mind

Relationships work when there’s understanding, and not assumptions, when helping around the house is seen as a shared responsibility, and when emotional vulnerability is respected, not ridiculed.

In the end, it’s about learning how to love without letting ego and unrealistic expectations “win the cup”. A strong relationship is one where both partners are fighting for each other, not against each other. So instead of keeping score, you both could keep growing together.

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Oluwabamike Adesugba

Oluwabamike (Bam Bam) Adesugba is currently a digital marketing intern interested in knowing all that marketing entails. One could say, she loves the content creation aspect more, as well as getting to write and publish her own work. Oluwabamike takes pleasure in reading books, watching horror movies, and meeting new friends.