The Nigerian’s Guide To Living a Fake Life

Look, in this life, you either fake it till you make it or fake it because there’s no making it. 

In Nigeria, “packaging” is more important than the actual content and perception is everything. 

Many people have mastered the art of looking rich while their account balance is looking like a USSD code without special characters.

If you want to move from “I just dey manage” to “Omo, na you dey run things!” without actually running anything, you’ve come to the right place. 

Let me take you through the Nigerian Starter Pack for Fake Luxurious Living—because who says you need real money to flex?

Get an iPhone 14, 15, or Whatever Number We’re On Now

If your phone doesn’t have three to four cameras at the back, are you even in the game? 

Never mind that you’re still owing the plug that sold it to you on “pay small small” arrangement—just make sure it’s always visible. 

Take mirror selfies with the flash on, casually place it on the table at a restaurant, and ensure people hear you say, “Oh, let me FaceTime my guy in Dubai.”

And If you can’t afford the latest iPhone, buy a dummy phone for “packaging” and use your Infinix inside the house.

Buy Fake Designer Bags & Clothes  

Nobody needs to know that your “Gucci” bag was sourced from Lagos Island for ₦5,000.

As long as it has the GG logo and you pose properly in pictures, the illusion is complete. 

Rock that “Louis Vuitton”, and when people ask where you got it from, just say, “My friend helped me buy it from Paris.”

You Must Create Luxury Restaurant Content (Water is Your Best Friend)

To keep up appearances, you must be seen at expensive restaurants. But we all know the economy is not smiling, so here’s the trick:

• Order the cheapest item on the menu (a bottle of water or small chops).
• Take endless pictures of the restaurant’s interior.
• Borrow someone’s cocktail and pretend it’s yours for the ‘Gram.
• Make sure to caption it “Soft life or nothing”.

By the time your followers see your Instagram stories, they’ll think you eat wagyu steak for breakfast.

Take Short Trips to Dubai (Even if It’s Once in Your Life)

If you’re serious about this fake luxurious lifestyle, you must travel at least once and make it count. Borrow money, do contribution, or sell one of your kidneys (just kidding)—just make sure you land in Dubai.

Once you’re there:

• Take plenty of pictures in front of Burj Khalifa.
• Post throwback pictures throughout the year.
• Use captions like “Dubai today, Maldives tomorrow.”
• When people ask how often you travel, smile mysteriously and say, “I’m barely in Nigeria these days.”

Ride in a Benz (G-Wagon, preferably)

Forget car ownership; what you need is access to a luxury car. If your friend’s friend’s uncle has a Benz, beg them to let you take a quick picture in front of it. 

For full effect, hold the car keys casually while posing.

And if you have no connections? No problem! Just go to a fancy hotel parking lot, stand beside a random Range Rover, and take a picture. 

When you post it, simply write, “God when?” Let people assume what they want.

The “Soft Life” Accent

A fake luxurious life is incomplete without the fresh from the abroad accent. If you didn’t school in the UK or US, just watch enough YouTube videos and pick a random accent. Sprinkle a touch of innit or throw the “F” word around casually in addition to phrases like:

• “Babe, I can’t relate.”
• “I just got back, I can’t deal with this Nigerian stress.”
• “Ew, why are you still using cash? Just tap your card.”

Use this accent sparingly, though. You don’t want to mistakenly switch from “Oh my God, I love this” to “Abeg, how much be that yam?” in the market.

Club VIP Sections Only (Even If You Have No Money for Drinks)

To maintain the illusion, you must only be seen in the VIP section of any club. If you can’t afford to buy a bottle, here’s the trick:

• Find a table where drinks are flowing.
• Hang around confidently, as if you belong.
• Occasionally sip from an empty glass for aesthetics.
• Take Snapchat videos of other people’s bottles.

By the next morning, everyone will think you spent millions on Azul and Don Julio.

The Random Millionaire Lifestyle Tweet

Finally, you need social media content that screams wealth. Wake up and tweet things like:

• “Thinking of investing in real estate, any serious recommendations?”
• “Should I get the black or white G-Wagon? Can’t decide.”
• “Another alert! Thank you, Jesus.”

Nobody will ask for proof. They’ll just retweet and hype you.

And there you have it! With this starter pack, you’re well on your way to becoming a Lagos socialite—on a budget. 

Just remember, fake it with confidence, and who knows? The real luxury life might just locate you one day.

So tell me, which of these fake luxurious moves have you seen before? Or better still, which one have you tried? 

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