The word “Consent” comes with a lot of mixed feelings. Some people automatically become unsettled when they hear it. And to some, it brings back memories, sad or good, depending on the situation surrounding it. For real though, consent shouldn’t be seen as an abomination that one should be scared of. It is more about building an incredible connection, peace of mind, and enjoying the best sex.
If you can be sincere with me, you have used or heard someone use one of these phrases a couple of times before:
- “But we’ve done it before.”
- “They didn’t say no.”
- “She came over to my place.”
- “But she’s my wife.”
As sad as these phrases are, they are also weak excuses. These are misinformed thoughts that have unfortunately reduced sex to an entitlement. We live in the part of the world where some issues like these are swept under the carpet, but that doesn’t make it right. When consent is given, it’s usually not blurred, because it’s mutual, clear, ongoing, and honestly, sexy as meeting your crush for the first time.
Let’s talk about why consent is the sexiest part of safe sex, shall we?
1. Consent Creates Room For Trust.
Remember those awkward and almost silent “Is this okay?” It wasn’t really okay. The sad part is, deep down you knew it wasn’t really okay. Fine, let’s say you didn’t know, so here is what you can do. When you check in with your partner, with eye contact, a smile, a “Do you want this?”, you’re not doing too much. It shows you are human and sensitive.
When both people feel safe and heard, you build emotional intimacy, which deepens the physical connection. You’re not just smashing, you’re two people fully in tune with each other.
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2. Consent Protects You Both, Emotionally And Physically.
The trauma that comes with having sex without clear consent is something you don’t wish on your worst enemy. You are left with emotional bruises, confusion, and in some extreme cases, suicidal tendencies or actual death. It can also lead to legal consequences.
Do you see how proper consent protects both of you? When consent is part of the flow, no one is left second-guessing what just happened. Everyone knows they were wanted, respected, and considered. That feeling of safety? It’s what makes sex intriguing and the feeling is surreal not frightening.
3. It Changes Your Mindset To Unlearn Assumptions.
What if you have had sex before? Consent is not certified only when you are a virgin. Every moment of sexual activity deserves approval. Every time, every touch, every sexual joke or comment deserves approval. These phrases I am about to list should be sounded with a drum for better assimilation.
Coming over doesn’t mean “yes.”
Dating doesn’t mean “yes.”
Being married doesn’t mean “yes.”
A “YES” can be a “NO” at any moment, and that’s perfectly fine. That is why you should be sensitive enough to know when there is a shift in body language. Your partner can say no even after saying yes a few minutes ago, and it is their right to do so.
4. There Is Nothing More Pleasing Than Consensual sex.
You are free to explore each other’s body without feeling awkward about it. Want to know what your partner actually enjoys? Ask them. Want to turn them on before even touching them? Get them to cloud 9 “yes.”
Consent doesn’t kill the mood, it actually makes your experience worth your while. You are always in a rush without consent, with consent you savour every moment like it is going to be the last.
Take a moment and read this:
“I want to try something new, would you be into that?”
“Can I kiss you there?”
“Do you like it when I go deeper?”
Those questions? They build desire and desire is what makes it absolutely sexy.
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You Have To Keep Practicing Consent To Get Better At It.
Honestly? It takes time to get used to asking for consent before and during sex, especially if you weren’t raised in an environment where respect was a big deal. You have to keep practising and be intentional about it. Like good communication, good consent takes time to get comfortable with, but it gets easier the more you do it.
I think these few ways can make it easier for you and make it feel more natural:
- Use the right tone and eye contact: “Do you want me?” Comes off differently with a slight smirk and a slow lean-in.
- Keep it as simple as possible and be honest too: “Let me know if anything feels off, okay?” or “I want you to enjoy this too.”
- Always read the room and pay attention to the spoken and unspoken cues. No response is not a yes. “Mmhmm,” “keep going,” and “yes” are your green lights, not silence or stiff body language.
- Always leave space for a change of heart. “Are you still okay?” doesn’t ruin the mood; it shows you care and are self-aware.
Consent is not just ethical, it’s important.
It’s a continuous conversation that turns good sex into your dream sex. It keeps everyone safe, seen, and fully present. And when you know your partner is saying “yes” because they want to, not because they feel pressured to? That’s the beauty of safe sex.
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